My 5 Spring/Summer Goals

Hi guys, today's post is a little different to my usual fashion & beauty offerings, however, I wanted to write a blog post that means a lot to me! Lately, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to achieve as we go into spring and summer. If you have been following my blog for a while now; you may or may not know that I have suffered with anxiety & panic attacks since I was about 10 years old and my condition has gotten a lot worse over the past few years. My anxiety affects a lot of aspects in my life including social events, travelling and working. So much so, that I have actually been unemployed for quite a while now due to the fact that the thought of being back in a workplace is something that overwhelms me every single day. 

With that in mind, I have decided that this year is the year that I am going to change my circumstances and try to make my life both fun and well-rounded once again! So, I wanted to share a few of my goals that I aim to accomplish this year!

1. Go on more adventures
My anxiety has stopped me from doing a lot of things in the past and I always feel like I am missing out on some of the best years of my life. I feel like I need to embrace being a young, almost 21 year old a little more! Whether its stepping out of my comfort zone by saying 'yes' to that party or finally going away for a special trip with my boyfriend of over a year. I want to explore a little more and say a big f*** you to my horrible anxieties that have been holding me back all this time!

2. Find a part-time job
Now that I feel a little more stable what with having regular counselling sessions and a medication that works for me, I want to ease myself back into a working environment. I feel like getting a part-time job is now something that feels a lot more manageable to me. I definitely don't want to go back into full-time employment straight away, as I don't want to overwhelm myself, but this goal seems like the perfect stepping stone.

3. Become healthier
Due to being at home so much, I often have the tendency to eat out of boredom and even though I have always been a petite girl, I have noticed my weight start creeping up on me. Although I am not super unhealthy, snacking is a bad habit of mine and I would like to keep it in check and to lose a few pounds before slipping back into my pretty summer dresses. I would also like to start doing some light yet enjoyable exercise to shift those calories and to release lots of feel-good endorphins into my body. Apparently, exercise is a great outlet for those with anxiety!

4. Appreciate my life 
As I am an avid worrier, I feel like I sometimes forget to simply stop and look around me. Although I have my problems and my struggles, just like everybody does, I am still an incredibly lucky person! I have a supportive family, great friends and a lovely boyfriend who all care about me a great deal. I have three meals a day, a roof over my head and lots of luxuries that others simply do not. I definitely need to remember that more often!

5. Gain more confidence
Last but not least, I want to finally find my inner confidence. I am my own worst critic and I think I need to remember not to be so hard on myself. Who cares if there's a photo of me from a night out where I'm not looking my best or if I have a pimple. I need to remember that we are all beautiful in our own way, even if it is hard to think of yourself in that way sometimes!

Although this was an extremely different post to normal, I hope that you enjoyed reading about my hopes and aspirations for the up an coming months. I am hoping to achieve all of these goals over the next few months, as I really want to better myself and my life. I hope I can somehow inspire some of you to do the same too! Do you have any goals that you would like to put into motion this spring/summer? Please let me know by leaving a comment below!

Living And Dealing With Anxiety

It seems that many bloggers have come forward and spoken about their anxiety lately, which is amazing and incredibly brave of them to do so and now, I feel ready to do the same. Even though I have touched base with this subject before in my 'Saying Yes And Overcoming Your Fears' post, I have never gone into as much detail as I am going to today. Obviously this post is incredibly personal to me, as I am talking about something that affects me every single day to people that I do not even know in real life - yet somehow, this make it slightly easier. My main aim with this post is to share my experience with you all and hopefully, I might also be able to help some other people in similar situations along the way. Although writing this is rather daunting, inspiring others to not be ashamed of their anxiety will make it all worth while!

I have been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for ten years now and until recently, I did absolutely nothing about it. However, last year really was the tip of the iceberg for me and I was in such a horrible place. I had a job I hated which made me ill and therefore, I became very reserved and reclusive. It got to the point where if I would have a panic attack in a particular place or situation, I would do everything in my power to never return to that place again through pure fear of the same thing happening again. Whenever my friends would invite me out, I would nine times of ten say no because I had some sort of irrational fear that something bad would happen to me. I would often become so distressed that I would violently shake, feel sick and be in tears. Plus, on the odd occasion when I did build up the courage to go out, I never fully enjoyed myself. It used to only cause me stress and unhappiness and let’s face it, that’s no way to live your life!

At this point, I knew that something had to change because my anxiety was starting to affect my daily life to the point where I couldn’t even hold down a job or career. This, consequently, controlled a lot of the choices that I made and it has stopped me from doing absolutely anything that is even slightly out of my comfort zone. It even hindered me in embracing certain opportunities that came my way that in hindsight would have benefited me a great deal. I regret saying no to certain things even to this day.

I still find it incredibly hard to really open up to my friends and family about my anxiety problem, even when the majority of them know about it. I tend to worry that they will judge me if I go into detail about how I feel in case they end up thinking that I am some kind of nutcase and no longer want to be around me. Where as in reality, it turns out that so many people suffer with similar problems to me. I worry that they may also think that I use my anxiety as an excuse for certain things or that I am being a nuisance, though I am slowly learning that this is not the case at all. I am very lucky in the fact that I have some really supportive people in my life who I know I can always turn to. However, this is not the case for all people. Though, with that being said, there are so many good mental health programmes out there, (Mind and Anxiety UK being two of these,) that offer anxiety sufferers help and guidance if they do feel alone or unable to talk to a relative or friend about their issues. There are also many routes that you can take to help ease your anxiety and panic attacks; medication, stress management classes and counselling etc.

For the past six months or so, I have been attending counselling sessions every Tuesday afternoon. I definitely feel that this is the best option for me after having tried medication around this time last year, as it didn't agree with me and it actually made me more ill in terms of feeling nauseous and getting regular migraines. However, the one struggle I have with counselling is that I do want to go but I dread it at the same time. It’s not a nice feeling having to talk to somebody who is essentially a stranger about really deep and personal things every single week, even when you know it will be beneficial in the long run. Most of us, including myself at times, would much rather block it out or deal with our emotions privately rather than share them (though I have come to learn that bottling emotions up is unhealthy.)

Now, it’s a year on and I am slowly feeling the way I want to. Although to some it may seem like I am moving at a snail’s pace and have not done an awful lot this year, I know in my mind that I have come on leaps and bounds in this time. I love going out now, in fact I thrive off of it, which is something I never would have imagined myself saying twelve months ago! I’m not going to lie and say that everything is a walk in the park; I still have a long way to go to. To this day, my comfort zone is very restrictive and small but I am working on expanding it at a pace that suits me. I always want to do something reckless like drive to a random destination but then I get disheartened by the fact that I will probably get half way there, freak out and come home. 

I still have a mixture of good days and bad days but I believe that is all the about taking little steps to eventually get me to where I want to be. Of course, I don’t know how long this will take. I often put pressure on myself by trying to put a time limit on things, convincing myself that I am not progressing fast enough. However, I have come to realise that as long as I know I am trying as hard as I possibly can, that’s all that counts. Overall, I am incredibly hopeful for what may happen over the next few months and I am optimistic that by this time next year, I will have come on leaps and bounds yet again.

I would like to thank all of you for taking the time to read about my personal experience with anxiety. I really hope that sharing my story has inspired at least one of you to start fighting your anxiety in the same way that I am. Remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and although you may be going through a tough time right now, things WILL get better! 

The Next Chapter Of My Life

This year I have really struggled with picking a potential career and I came to a dead end. However, after seeing my good friend Sydney complete the same course this time last year, I decided to partake in a three day intensive nail course. I agree that on the surface this may seem like a rather superficial and shallow career to pursue, what with it being part of the health & beauty career field, but there is a method to my madness. I have simply decided to do something that I enjoy, as I am very girly and love all things beauty-related. I have been that person who has been stuck in a dead end job that made me miserable and I do not want to go back there again. 

Some people have said to me that they think that I can do better career wise because I was always quite bright and studious at school, however, I am a firm believer that we can all express our intelligence in different ways. We do not necessarily have to have fantastic, high-paid jobs to be deemed as intelligent. For instance, I like to write and I get great satisfaction out of that, which is why I have my own blog where I can express myself and showcase my passion for writing etc. So, in my eyes, I do not need to be some fancy lawyer or a doctor to be successful in life. 

The skills I learnt on the course include manicures, pedicures and acrylic nails. I also learnt a lot about nail preparation, hand & foot massage, as well as how to use all the relevant tools in my kit. This may not sound like a lot to some but the techniques and stages in completing this course were extremely complex. As you can imagine, I am not a fully fledged nail technician after a mere three days of education. It is going to take me a long time to perfect all of these skills and the only way I will be able to do that is by practicing on my friends and family (which I am sure they will enjoy as they will be getting it all for free to start with!)

Although it may not sound like a big deal to some, I am extremely proud of my achievement over the past three days. It actually took me a lot of guts and courage to go after something that I really wanted because I was so scared of doing so, due to the fact  that I do not have a lot of confidence in myself and I am incredibly scared of failing. The course was far from what I expected but in a good way. Now, I am really looking forward to building up my knowledge and potentially making this into a career for myself. I really feel like this is the next chapter for me. After being out of work for quite a while now, I finally feel like I am slowly but surely getting back on track. In a nutshell, I am just hoping that this course will enable me to start a fresh and to give me something to be proud of doing in during 2013.

My Month Via Instagram - July 2013

Hi guys, I cannot believe that another month has flown by already - 2013 is going so quickly! This month has been particularly lovely due to England finally getting some hot and sunny weather, which means that I have been out enjoying the sunshine whilst it lasts! This month has also been pretty exciting as yet again I have had quite a few nights out. So, without anymore rambling, let's begin talking about what I have been up to all throughout July.

1. First of all this month, to kick off our spell of nice weather, me and my friend Sarah spent an entire weekend together laying in the sun and eating a ton of yummy barbecue food. One Saturday afternoon, we decided to drive to one of our local parks for a change of scenery as opposed to my back garden. Little did we know that there was a huge event going on in the park and the entrance to the park had this really cute rainbow inflatable and I just had to get a photograph! Inside the event was a charity stall for Lukemia & Lymphoma, which me and Sarah both donated money to and got a free key-ring - that was our good deed for the day complete :)

2. My friend Sydney completed a nail course last year and recently she has been doing my nails for me. This time around, I decided to go for a natural polish as opposed to Shellac or acrylics as my nails are quite weak and damaged at the moment. I chose a lovely aqua blue colour and then went on to pick one of OPI's limited edition James Bond glitter polishes for an accent on my ring fingers. The combination of these two polishes really reminded me of mermaids on the ocean, the end result was so pretty!

3. My friends Danielle, Sarah and I were invited to a house party and this is a photograph that we took before we went. We all decided to get ready together at Sarah's house and do a little bit of pre-drinking too. The outfit I chose to wear was a denim Topshop bralet, which you can kind of see in the photo, teamed with a plain black skater skirt and sandals to keep me cool in the hot weather (it was even too hot to bother wearing heels!) The night was so much fun and I don't think that I stopped laughing all night!

4. This photo is from a a day where I simply stayed at home all day and worked on my tan. As you can see, this year I have tanned pretty well (especially for a fair-skinned blonde, blue eyed girl,) however, I accidentally chose an Instagram filter that made my skin look incredibly orange - oops! I took this quick snap because I thought it was really cute how my dog Sasha decided to come and lie right by me and enjoy the sun too!

5. I took this photo to show my outfit before an impromptu night out with my friend Charlotte. I managed to convince her to come out on a bit of a whim and I put this outfit together last minute. It's pretty simple, seeing as it just a black crop top and some high-waisted denim shorts, but I threw on some accessories and some fake eyelashes and I was ready to go. We went to a a club in my hometown that plays rock and alternative music, which is right up my alley! I love spontaneous nights out as they always turn out to be much better than planned ones and this night was definitely a random and eventful one!

6. Last but not least, and probably my favourite part of the month, is the fact that my best friend and fellow blogger Laura finally came home from Germany. She had been over in Dusseldorf for four months as part of an Erasmus for her university course and obviously, I miss her terribly. To surprise Laura upon her return, me and a few others decorated the front of Laura's house with lots of welcome home banners and balloons. We also wrote her a card and got her a few little gifts too. When Laura turned up and we welcomed her on her door step, it was really funny because me and Laura were wearing the same exact dress from H&M and so we decided to take a picture! I'm so happy that my best friend is home and I am excited for all of the fun we will have for the rest of the summer! 

That's all for this months update! I hope that you have enjoyed reading about my antics all throughout out July. Please stay tuned to my blog as I have lots of posts planned over the next few weeks. Thank you :) 

My Room Tour

Hi guys! Today's post is going to be a little different, as I am giving you all a brief tour around my bedroom. I thought that a nice little post like this will allow you, my lovely followers, to get to know a bit more about me. I believe that a persons bedroom can give you a great insight into their personalities. So, let's begin!

As you can see in the photograph above, my room is a duck-egg blue colour with floral bedding. The bedding is so beautiful and is part of the Butterfly Home range by Matthew Williamson, which is stocked in Debenhams. The duvet cover is a gorgeous oriental design that includes flowers and birds. I used to have a deep purple room for several years, however, last year I felt like a change and I wanted a room that was more light and feminine looking.

One of the main, and my favourite, features of my room is the huge cork board that hangs above my bed. The board has many different items pinned on to it; photographs of me and my my friends, gig tickets, stickers, brochures and so on. I even have one of my dance medals and a homemade dream catcher hung off of it courtesy of my very talented friend Bethany!

Next is my stack of shelves where I keep my perfume and DVD collections. Two of my favourite perfumes that I currently own are 'Daisy' by Marc Jacobs and 'Reb'l Fleur' by Rihanna - which are the two scents that I am renowned for by my friends and family. I also  have my two favourite prorgrammes, Friends and 90210, on boxset as you can see above.

Adjacent to my shelving is this really lovely necklace hanger that my Mum bought me a few years back. It is a very handy thing to have to keep my necklaces all in one place and untangled. Plus, I think having a little display is a really cute idea.

Last but certainly not least is this amazing 'pivot' pillow that my friend Corbin got me for my 18th birthday last year. As mentioned above, and in my 15 Facts About Me post, I am a massive 'Friends' fan and any of you who also love the show as much as me will understand the 'pivot' reference I'm sure! I love this pillow because it is so rare and whenever somebody comes into my bedroom, they always point it out!

I hope you all enjoyed the quick tour of my bedroom and that it allowed you all to get to know me and my personality a little better. As always, I would love to read your feedback so please do not hesitate to leave a comment below!